Waiting for Guttenberg

21 Jan

 Dear Maroon,

After several unsuccessful attempts to figure out how to post on this, I decided to apply some ancient Mayan wisdom and read the instructions under the ‘help’ section.  I also sacrificed one of our neighbor’s cats to the gods. I have a feeling this year will be pretty awesome, but I have yet to spend any time focusing on my goals as work has not slowed down since the holidays. It has become mildly entertaining in the last week though. I had to help throw together a last minute 50th birthday party for Jim Carrey last week and then there was another birthday dinner for the guitarist of the Strokes. The rockers were more entertaining. Jim’s party had some randoms that amused me (Steven Tyler, Pam Anderson and Martin Landau), but until Steve Guttenberg shows up I will remain unimpressed. I wish there had been some elicit or hilarious event that occurred, but everyone was boringly well-behaved, which is why I think everyone should invite a Courtney Love or Paz de la Huerta to their birthday party.
Since my social life pretty much consists of reading or watching TV lately, I decided to liven things up by going to the zoo last week (i know, pretty fucking ballsy behavior). The above picture is my favorite as I always wondered what sleeping would be like with massive horns on one’s head. I have pictures of the rest, but I like this Ibix in particular. I have named him Copernicus.  Highlights of the zoo included a baby monkey that could fit in your hand with a face like a troll that kept sticking its tongue out at us, a bat-eared fox that screamed at Brian, and the baby tiger that crawled up a tree and fell on its ass. Also, there was some stoner in a hoodie that was chatting up anyone who would listen about the life of the musk ox.

I recently received a bill from the City of Beverly Hills. I can only imagine it is regarding the car accident, but it is for $515. The only medical attention I received was someone handing me an ice-pak, which was not reusable. That thing could not have cost more than $3. I am sending the City of Beverly Hills 300 pennies in exchange. I hope they’re fucking happy.

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